I didn't want to get up this morning. More than anything, I wanted to pull the blanket over my eyes and stay in the darkness. At least in the darkness, I can't see all the pain... journal entry
This is for the weary sisters.
This is for you - hurting wife who doesn't understand. This is for you - fearful mama struggling to let go. This is for you - betrayed woman afraid and alone. This is for the grieving; the working and striving; the aching and the crying. This is for the women, young and old, who wrestle with believing, who hide in their shame and who question the journey. This is for the women burying their head and their body beneath the covers because they just can't bear to face another 24 hours of pain. Sister, get up.
When your alarm goes off and you press "snooze" four times because all you want is more sleep, more darkness, more escape...
When you lie there aching and wondering how you're going to make it or what you're going to do with yourself and your life...
When you pull the blankets over your eyes, wishing time would turn back, speed up or slow down - anything but what it is now because the here and now is scary and hard...
When your mind is racing....when your mind is blank....when you feel paralyzed all over...
Girl, make yourself move. Will yourself to rise. Force your body to stir and your soul to reach high.
All of Heaven is watching you run this race (Hebrews 12:1).
All of hell is taking bets on whether or not you will give up and stay there - in the dark prison of your bed.
Put your feet on the floor.
Reach for your sword. Grab a Kleenex - or use your sleeve! - and wipe your tears.
Or just let the tears fall as you grip the sword in your hands.
Don't have the strength? Do it anyway. (1 Chronicles 16:11)
I know it feels safe there in the bed but it isn't. If you stay there, you will be a slave to the fear, the shame and the pain. The darkness is debilitating and yet you want to fight to stay in it? No, sister. I know the light hurts your eyes and exposes things you don't want to face. But hear me -
You're going to fall. You will fatigue. You will fail. In this life we will see the sun set, we will hear the music stop, and the mouth of God will be silent.
We will weep. We will mourn. We will run. We may find ourselves sitting in ashes scraping our skin (Job 2:7-8). But -
The enemy will knock us down whether by famine, frustration or failure. The strong hand of God will apply pressure as He molds and as He sanctifies. And it will be a glorious kind of discomfort.
Do not curse God (Job 1:22). Do not hide in the garden (Genesis 3:7-8). Do not run away (Jonah 1:3).
Don't hide in a cave (1 Samuel 22), deny His name (Luke 22:60) or stay buried beneath a mountain of blankets.
Friend, tomorrow when the sun rises...
...when I fall, I shall arise...